We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery, for though others may free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind.
~The Right Excellent Marcus Mosiah Garvey, National Hero of Jamaica
Happy Emancipation Day Jamaica!! (and Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago).
I wanted to do something on July 23 but all the universe wanted was for me to go to work. Happy 5th (first) anniversary to my darling wife (not our wedding anniversary).
I wanted to write on July 29, to commemorate one year since burying my dad but the words never came. I thought about it a lot though. I am happy I got to go home on July 6, to be with the entirety of my closest.
Sitting down on this fine summer’s eve listening to Alina Baraz’s EP “The Color of You”, just a chill session to beat the summer heat ( I really recommend a listen >> Color of You EP <<)
So thinking about the title of this EP, I realize memories are in different colours. I was not very cognizant of this or better yet I am no longer the person who interprets scenarios in colours and shapes.
I think about my wife and our memories together, they are all in brilliant, vivid colours, I can feel the warmth recalling them.
I think about times with my dad, they’re almost all in grayscale but contrary to what you’d expect, I can also feel the warmth of them. I am not sure if memories were always like this. Is my subconscious changing the themes of the memories to account for the real-life changes?
What colours do you see when you think of someone you love?
What is the colour of love?
Don’t be concerned with the dual spelling of color/ colour, I’m Jamaican we use the UK spelling. Be Blessed.
Think the universe was expecting an epistle last Sunday, I had been thinking about it for some time before but to what ends? I always wondered the purpose of posting a picture saying Happy Father’s Day or Happy Mother’s Day on social media if either doesn’t see. Is it to advertise you have one? Is it so your following is aware that you acknowledge the day and your parent? Is it a public testament to love? Is it one of those actions speak louder than words thing? Maybe it’s all or one of the above, maybe none. Maybe I’ll just follow suit,
Hmmm, I guess the day was mostly lost on me, no earthly father to tell, nor am I yet one. I would, however, like to share what did mean much to me that day, the words of a good friend, Gilly,
Happy Father’s Day for all the Fathers who couldn’t be here today. May their souls rest in peace and the rest of us find peace
Shida is bad. Keeping shida to yourself is worse. Shida is the silent killer (Muuaji wa Kimya). The more shida I endure these past months, the greater contrast I draw of my parents. One is very vocal about shida, the other wasn’t. I find myself being more like the latter, which is definitely the wrong option I’ve concluded but…
I really never truly grasp certain complexities of life… those that only experience can teach you. All shida is not the same, hence there isn’t a one size fix all solution. This is a disconcerting fact, realizing you don’t have your shida handled. You begin the realize all the negative impacts on your health: physical, mental and emotional. This in turn leads to further strains in other aspects of life.
Recognize you’re not coping. Get support. Avoid the drugs (pharmaceuticals).
It is my experience that persons not directly affected by your shida are more compassionate and open to listening. Shida taints. When you not really into people like me, write (not an endorsement of any particular technique, professional help is best).
Shida means stress. Just a little Swahili.
Easy to think to December 8, 2016 when life seem the status quo. But life you know… hard tackle….
December 6, 2017 marked 5 months pops since you transitioned, I’m sure looking down you would’ve wanted some things done differently. I agree. The learning process I guess…. learning from both our mistakes. Miss you. Hope you’re liking the gardening and plants, another work in progress.
If one person remembers my name, give praise, that means I’ve made a change….. ~Chronixx
Feeling insignificant is so easy for us. Life has its ups and downs but why do the downs seem so much more abundant these days?
It’s so easy to think back to better times, it always is, when you’re feeling sad but can’t turn back the hands of time now can we?
Thoughts I keep in mind:
- Thoughts are powerful, keep them guided along the positive track
- Don’t want too much, eventually this will cause you to sacrifice your values
- Disappointment is inevitable, acknowledge it, work from it
- Be dispassionate about insults, people are.. well people. This leads to my next point
- Humility, you aren’t all you’re cracked up to be.. that’s perfectly fine
- Trust yourself, cause you’re the only person who really ever completely will (guess I don’t need to comment on trusting others)
- Life is not your enemy, follow the omens, the universe conspires with us to achieve our destinies
- Love yourself and others. Hatred is a poison.
If this message reaches you, take it as an opinion, and definitely go listen to “Legend” by Chronixx
- Good music always helps.
Could you pass this on to my dad please.
You know you can’t escape it, the death of someone you love, but when it comes you always want more time. You think of all the things you could do with that time. I play out all the plans that were waiting to be executed when we saw each other again and beyond then. I think of how proud you were to be a father, husband, step father, soon to be father-in-law, son, brother, uncle, friend and looking forward to becoming a grand-dad one day. Sometimes I think it’s a blessing not having gotten the chance to say ‘goodbye’. Who want’s to say a final goodbye to their father knowing they’ll never hear another word again?
It’s strange how your absence changes my perspective. Life requires balance and your departure has left me very unbalanced. Your void can’t be filled, this I know but I have to find that ballast to compensate. You were the most positive minded person in my life (and I am sad I didn’t appreciate that more to have said it to you), nothing was ever out of reach when we reasoned, and you encouraged me to view things just like you did. You were so patient dad, and my heart is broken because you ran out of time after working so damn hard for so long. It’s not fair.
Without that positivity that you brought to my life, a lot of dark clouds gloom. It’s hard cause I don’t yet exude positivity it like you did, but I am in the position where I have to be there to counter negatives not only my life but also mom’s and the family you left behind. It’s so overwhelming all this negativity around me, and I’m writing this to let you know I’m trying to emulate you but it’s hard and I miss you. I wish you here, to tell me something reassuring as you’ve always done. I am going to get there though, this is a part of my promise. We’re going to be great, you made it that for us, so there can be no other way.
I lost you dad the 6th July, 2017. Today is September 1, almost two months, I’ve cried everyday since. If you see me crying, don’t worry, it’s because I feel your love. It’s my journey to continue here. I’ll write when I can’t visit.
I’m not sure what I should be writing. This has been hard. I am sure I’ll coin better words later on in life but until then I guess I only want to say:
Thank you, Dad.
I will try my best to be the best man I can be as you were the best man I’ve ever known and quite possibly I will ever know.
I really want to know.. so say it… (link below)
Pride Fear Anxiety Anger Sorrow Greed Grief Jealousy Hate
prevents us from saying it …
Still waiting on the negative to stop so you can say it? Still giving such weak emotions power?
Well, would you appreciate your joy as much had you not known grief?
Waiting on the “perfect” “time”? Both are concepts, they aren’t actualities.
What is “perfect”? Nothing more than unattainable idea
What is “time”? Our way of making sense of our continual journey
What about tact? Yes, how dare you ignore being tactful (lol). Cause all the great meanings of life are tactful (YES… SARCASM is present)
WE -are finite but our words are not… through them we- ARE INFINITE!… so SAY IT!
I do not own any rights to the video below:
Right away I might have you thinking, the theft of agricultural produce or livestock…
And you’re not wrong but that’s not exactly what I speak of today. Regardless it’s a detestable act.
There is a common saying you reap what you sow; which translates to you having to eventually face the consequences of your actions.
But how often is it that others benefit from what you sow even more so than you the planter i.e if you benefitted at all?
The answer, probably more than you think. Based on this premise I’m sure all good willed readers would want justice for the planter. So what if the planter became discouraged and stop planting altogether? What if every farmer who was a victim of exploitation or worse praedial larceny stopped planting? What then?
I am starting to imagine a great famine! I am happy they aren’t so easily deterred; extremely thankful actually.
By the same token, I am encouraging readers to be like the resilient planter. Many of us have planted/invested in people, things, schemes, businesses and only others will benefit from it. We should be thankful someone has benefitted and trust the karmic cycle that eventually only the truly deserving would have benefited.
Yes, I hate praedial larceny but don’t stop from planting good seeds, fertilizing the soil and plucking the weeds. Do so with a clean heart even knowing you may never taste the sweet nectar it brings forth. Use every opportunity to build yourself and those around you, there’s nothing wrong with helping a friend pluck weeds, that way they’re less likely to spread.
What’s the difference between $1000 to rich versus $1000 to the poor?
Isn’t indeed $1000 the same amount of currency in both scenarios? If both were to go to, let’s say Wal-Mart, is not true they could both make identical purchases with the $1000? If both spend $900, wouldn’t each have $100 remaining? True or False?
Then why is still so apparent in this contrast of extremes that $1000 is so different.
$1000 could quite literally be a year’s survival for the poor while nothing more than a mere day’s dinner for the wealthy.
The delineation stems from perception, one must perceive the $1000 from each circumstance: poor vs rich.
Now to re-conciliate: I think it’s unfair for the wealthy to trivialize the value of $1000 especially with persons being poor. Now while it may not be of the same importance to them, they should not make it trivial.
I think the same can be said of issues arising in relationships. They may carry different level of importance for each person, but does that give either the right to trivialize it? In my opinion, No.
It can be a truly heart wrenching feeling for your partner to ‘accept’ reoccurring issues as trivial. It becomes heart breaking when they indicate, that in time what you perceive as important will also become trivial and until then, we’ll leave it as is.
Back to our example, suppose for only ONE day, a rich man and a poor man had to share $1000? The rich man might not feel much discomfort to “sacrifice” that one day, and buy a $500 dinner so that the poor man can use his $500 as he pleases. But what if the rich man made trivial of the situation and spent $1000 to buy both of them dinner (Not so bad right? Wrong!). In this case the rich man robbed the poor of countless opportunities. REMEMBER perception: tomorrow the rich will have another $1000 but what will the poor have?
I’m learning from experience like everyone else, but I’ve already realize sometimes it’s not the act of doing that causes havoc but how we respond to the act. It’s a sleep terrorizing feeling for your point of views to be accepted as nothing more than trivial, always being accused that your plight is nothing more than a ‘mischief” creator and disheartening when you realize your partner is happy at leaving them at that.
I pray that I never intentionally belittle or trivialize the views of my partner, I hope she’ll point out if/when I do so, that we may reconcile. I ask for patience and understanding to never give up trying to reconcile so that she’ll know how valued she is not just through my words but also my actions towards her and our disagreements. At the very least she deserves entitlement to her opinion of an issue, and regardless if my views differ it doesn’t make her view any less important. I pray that the same can be afforded to me.
Lessons, each one creates a part of the bigger picture.